Where to begin....where to begin.......

I guess I will begin by summing up the year 2011 with one word ..... Crapapalooza.
It started out with the breaking of a window in my truck and my purse being stolen, and ended with the breaking of my heart and my faith in trust & honesty being stolen.  Blah blah, boo hoo, waaaaaaaaaaaaa.....life goes on. I have hiked up my big girl pants, said goodbye to the past and am ready to go forth and conquer. I wonder if I will need a coat?

Now, on with this blog.....I am not really sure what I want to accomplish here, but I need an outlet for all the ridiculousness that goes on in my head.  For all of you who truly know me, you know that I am a magnet for strange people and awkward situations (or is it awkward people and strange situations?).   Here's a good example....One Mother's Day I was shopping at Wegmans, just a quick trip to get nothing in particular. As I was passing through the aisles, a woman stopped me (literally, stopped me by grabbing my arm), looked me in the eye and said "Happy Mother's Day....are you a mother?".   My immediate reaction was to laugh, knowing I was thinking of the other "mother" that I have been called numerous times.  I responded with an "ummm....no, are you a mother?"  Her face immediately went blank, tears started to well up in her eyes and she preceded to tell me how her 3 year old daughter had passed away, the relationship with her husband has been going down hill and she has no one to talk to.  Oh.......my........god.  Of all the people in the store, she chose me to have a breakdown with.  I, of course, was at a loss of what to say. I looked around to see if I could get a little help from one of the other shoppers, but they were in as much awe as I was with what was going on.  I think by the look on my face it was apparent that I had no idea who this lady was or what she was talking about.  I think the sobbing went on for only a couple minutes, but it felt like hours. I didn't say a word or even try to console this woman in any way.  I'm not sure how I got a word in, but I told this woman that it was nice talking to her and that I had to go.  I think I even threw a "try to enjoy the rest of your day" in there as I was rushing down the aisle to get away from her.  Ugh....to this day I still cringe when someone touches my arm when I am grocery shopping.  Situations like this happen to me almost every day....like I am the Idiot Whisperer.....and I need to share them with some one.....any one.

Can I just say that I am so thoroughly entertained with the Republican Presidential candidates? I have NEVER paid so much attention to Presidential debates in my whole life. I didn't think that the political arena could find anything more disturbing than Sarah Palin, but ~voila~ enter Michele Bachmann, Herman Cain, Thad McCotter, Buddy Roemer (huh?), The Newt, The Mitt, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, Jon Huntsman and bringing it up the rear, again, Ron Paul.   Wow.  When you put any combination of these people in a room there seems to be one enormous, spontaneous brain fart....and oh boy, I do enjoy a good group brain fart!   I do wonder what Herman Cain was thinking....., oh wait, he wasn't...he was on a book tour turned presidential campaign....what?  Michele Bachmann....thinks the Democrats are responsible for the swine flu and doesn't think carbon monoxide is a dangerous gas. Thad McCotter and Buddy Roemer...we can't possibly have a president with a either of these first names....wait, better add Mitt and Newt to that list as well. Rick Perry....stupid is as stupid does. Jon Huntsman...polled lower than someone who isn't even running in the race. Rick Santorum.....a huge homophobe with a disgusting last name. Google the name Santorum and read the definition ....now you can imagine the disgust I feel whenever I see him on tv. Insert dry heaving noise here.  And poor Ron Paul....whenever I see him I can only picture the little southern guy, Beverly, from Will and Grace (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0430074/).  So at this point I would like to make it official, If I was a Republican I would fully endorse and support ....wait for it......wait for it.... Stephen Colbert for President! His ads just make sense... http://youtu.be/Aix7tQMdJ3s. Who hasn't been duped by a handsome serial killer once or twice in their life???  It's up to you, and only you, to make sure that never happens again.....kinda like only YOU can prevent forest fires. I lived with that weight on my shoulders for most of my childhood. I agonized over how I could prevent ALL the forest fires since I wasn't allowed out of the yard most of the time. Stupid Smokie the Bear....I wonder how many kids have had to endure a lifetime of burden and guilt because of him. 
**Please note: Orange = Big Fat Quitter.

You may be wondering why I named this new blog what I did....well, I would like to be able to showcase and answer many of the stupid questions that I have been asked of me throughout the years. And believe me, there have been a lot. Let's start off with one that really bothers the crap out of me...."Do these pants make me look fat?"  Ummmm.....okay..... ...unless your pants are grossly padded for safety reasons, I am pretty sure it's NOT the PANTS that make you look fat (psssst...maybe it's your fat that makes the pants look bad..... just sayin').  One down....many, many more to go.  I hope I can help answer every one's stupid questions....feel free to send me your stupid questions (in the comments section or via email if you would prefer anonymity and unnecessary finger pointing & name calling) and I will be sure to answer it so you can feel a moment of shame fading to relief, then be able to get on with your life.

In the future you may see some advertising posted on this blog.  Here's the skinny....if I allow Google to post ads on this blog and you click on the ad, I earn revenue. Yes, that's right. I will be paid for your clicking actions. By clicking on these ads you may learn something very exciting (like how to make Corned Spam & Cabbage) or learn something very disturbing (like how to make Corned Spam & Cabbage). With this new found information you will be able to "wow" your friends with your vast knowledge and potentially save lives.....so, be a HERO, click on the ads, put some new wrinkles in your brain and put some shiny, well needed coinage in my pockets. Thank you and God Bless America!

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Well that's it for now....there is so much more to say though....so stay tuned!

Jules