BLOODY CRAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

Happy Tuesday all.....the worst day of the year to be single. Yet tomorrow, post Valentine's Day is the best day to be single....why you ask?  Simple, it's the day that many, many girlfriends and wives will be terribly disappointed in the crappy gifts they got the day before. Plus, all the chocolate is on sale!!  Woohoo! I unfortunately saw someone yesterday that I didn't want to see....and it has put a funk in my Valentine spirit. You always think you are strong until you come face to face with your emotional kryptonite.  Oh well, it's his loss....

I have some exciting news!!! I think I have made one dollar and seventy-two cents (yes $1.72) from the ads posted on the web. I looked into it more closely, and figured out that only one person has clicked on an ad.  Ummm....do better my faithful readers!!! If every reader would just click on one ad each time they visit my blog, I could make some serious change. And by change, I mean coinage....and by coinage, I mean hardly anything.  I truly think that if I have the incentive of making money from this blog, I would take the time to write more.  I am also thinking about taking the blog on the road to local wi-fi hot spots.  I find in the winter, being a recluse, there are no stupid questions being asked of me, and that makes me wonder who all the stupid people are talking to.

So I had a physical by my doctor last Thursday.  This is the first physical I've had since I worked at Kodak,  about twenty years ago. 

This is what I learned:
-My doctor has no idea who I am.
-I get lightheaded when asked to take deep breaths more than 8 times in a row.
-I am Vitamin D deficient.
-I always race to get undressed and into the gown, just to sit there for 10 minutes...waiting. 
-The woman who works in the blood lab is a Jesus freak...even had Jesus themed Valentine decorations up in her office.  I almost stole one of them to add to my Jesus shrine on my refrigerator.
-My ticker isn't ticking right....of course it isn't, it's me.

I am immediately sent from the doctor's office to the cardiologist to be hooked up to a heart holter (portable ECG unit) for 24 hours.  What fun!  So I get sent home with wires hanging off of 5 electrode patches that are stuck to me and plugged into the unit.  The wires have been taped down all over my stomach and are getting all caught up on my shirt. I am to keep a running diary of every thing I do for the next 24 hours so they can see what is causing my heart palpitations/flutters.  In the middle of the night, I wake up and find that 2 of the 5 patches are no longer stuck to me.  What a bust! I call the cardiologist the next morning and they tell me to come back in on Monday to get hooked up again for another 24 hours.  I am instructed to take off the electrodes and disconnect the unit....off course the tape they used on me has melded to my skin like super glue. I can't rip it off to save my life. I soak my taped skin in baby oil and it still won't budge. I finally get a small corner of one of the strips lifted by saturating my body in Goo Gone (clean orange scent!).  As I rip each patch off of me, I notice that my skin is coming off with the tape. This is reminiscent of the time I had a bandaid on my forehead and when I ripped it off, it left a skinless impression of the bandaid on my face.  Ouch!  So, I went back to the cardiologist yesterday and brought my own tape for them to use.  The nurse was shocked to see the red welts from the tape still on my body after 2 days. She had a good laugh over how I look like I've been branded. Ha...not funny lady.  Unfortunately she has to add some liquid glue to the electrodes to ensure their tackiness.  I am sure they will rip my skin off later when I remove the unit.
I don't know when I will get the results of my heart monitor reading....but I will let everyone know if I have a broken heart or what.

Now I would like to take a mili-moment of silence to honor a fallen sista....Whitney Houston.
Here is my favorite memory of her..... Diane Sawyer interview, mid nineties....Whitney Houston declares that "crack is whack".  Yo go girl.....oh wait...you gone girl. And Don Cornelius from the Sooooouuuuul Train decided he was done living.  I always preferred Soul Train over American Bandstand, they had better musical guests.  I never had to sit thru Abba lip syncing when watching Sooooouuuul Train.  I think I am a better person today because of that. 

Dear Republican voters,
What is going on?  Can you please give Ron Paul just one caucus victory? Doesn't it just seem fair? You have allowed everyone else a win.....why not RP?  He was only about 200 votes shy of Romney in the Maine caucus.  I mean you let nutsy Santorum win a few......why can't you just all play nice?
Sincerely,
I almost feel your awkward uneasiness....


Kudos to the people at the Susan G. Komen for getting their heads out of their asses and reversing their decision to stop funding Planned Parenthood. If they went forward with their original plans, it would have been like the Humane Society saying that they are dedicated to helping all the animals....except for cats.

Also, shame on Rick Santorum for his stance on birth control. He doesn't feel that any type of birth control should be covered by insurance. YET, he is okay with drugs like Cialis and Viagra being covered under prescription drug plans.  It just may be me, but I think if you can't pitch a tent, then you shouldn't go camping.  And the less "tents pitched" must somehow lower the number of unwanted pregnancies.  I'm just sayin'.

Oh, and speaking of Cialis....my spam mailbox was full today with great deals to help me with my erectile dysfunction on the most romantic of romantic days.  Thank goodness....I have been trying to figure out what to do with this annoying problem and now I have several options, some even with free shipping.  Also, Janet Jackson is trying to reach me via Linkedin.  I wonder what the hell she wants.

Ok, since I started this posting, some time has passed. I have now ripped the second round of NASA grade adhesive electrodes from my body.   I should have taken a picture after the removal...I looked like I was beaten....beaten bad.  I am glad that thing is unattached from my body, for now I can lube myself up in Goo Gone and shower for as long as it takes to get this sticky residue off of me.

You may ask yourself, "I wonder what Julie is doing on this most nauseous of holidays?". Simple, I am going to have a German girls spa night.  I have about 250lbs of German Shepherd that will be brushed, bathed, styled & dried, plus teeth will be cleaned and nails will be trimmed.  I will be eating left overs (stuffed chicken breasts and roasted vegetables), doing a paraffin wax hand treatment, lounging on the couch and hopefully watching something on Netflix that involves a serial killer or a vampire....the two things I long to be when I grow up.  Seems like a perfect evening to me! 

In honor of German spa night, here is a pic of me when I was a young tot with my first love, Heidi. I think I kept crawling away and my Dad had Heidi lay on my feet to keep me put. As long as that dog was by my side, I didn't have a care in the world, and I think she felt the same way too.

Thanks to all that have been dedicated to reading my blogs.... don't forget to "follow me" and click on the
ads so I can pretend like I have an actual job. Plus, keep the comments coming....

I hope there aren't too many disappointed girls out there who received thoughtless, last minute, already picked over Valentine crap from Rite Aid tonight. If so....Pssst... he doesn't really care that much....

Ciao!
Jules

PS: Hey.....go click on a freakin' advertisement!!!