BLOG HIATUS

Hello again!

It's been so nice out I forgot that I have a blog. Sorry readers, I will do better in the future.

Let's see, last I wrote I was in the middle of finding out what was wrong with my ticker.  Well, I have a leaky valve. It's nothing serious, no need to panic ... it will be monitored closely and I will have to have more echo cardiograms. If it starts to really leak, then there will be surgery.  Here's the good news though, my arteries are clean as a whistle.  The Cardiologist was impressed with the health of my heart (except for the valve and the palpitation), but was more impressed with my cholesterol levels!  My total was 229, which sounds high. But it's high because my good cholesterol is 107, which makes my total ratio 2:1.  Normal is 5:1.  He was amazed and wanted to know all about what I eat and don't eat daily.  I told him that beer was a huge staple in my diet.  He didn't believe me..... 

I have been trying not to pay attention to the caucuses .... they are beginning to take over my life.  Today it's Romney, then tomorrow it's Santorum, then i think Newt got a delegate or two some where.  I just want it to be over with and let Romney and Obama start debating.  I may have to get cable tv when those debates start up.  Good times!!

So, this Match.com is un-freakin-believable! Here is a few of the heartfelt emails I've gotten ... there are no edits, I have cut and pasted these ....  and I have not responded or initiated any of these conversations.

"well hi there here i am one for you that knows how to have nice fun an hope to here from you soon regards bob"

   -Apparently bob's school was lacking an english department.

"Hello Beauty

Hi There!!
How are you doing today? How is your family and how is your work? I want to believe you’re doing just great. Well, I;m Mark by name from NY, I am a single Dad of a 10 year old Kelvin. I'm a new member to this site. While trying to checkout profiles I came across yours. To be sincere with you, your profile is simple but terrific and striking as well. What beats my imagination is your stunning beauty at your age. Babe, I really desire to know you on a colossal note. Most people say I'm a very easy going person. Honesty, trustworthiness, understanding, romantic, caring, passionate, fun to be with and above all God fearing are some of my trademarks. I am full of ambitions; hence I love to take risks when and where necessary....I would love to keep in touch with you. you can write me back on my mail address easyflyerss/////at/// .....you can txt me on my mobile cell phone  , I don't come on here that much, but I will really apprecitate if you could write me on my Mail address above or txt me, I will get back as soon as possible. Hope to read from you soon.
I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon."

   -Wow.... one of his trademarks is God fearing ....  a trademark?  I need that explained to me. Even though English is obviously his second language, he should give Bob some pointers on capitalization and punctuation. 

I had a serial emailer for a while, I never responded to any of these .....  Here's Dave!

"what's up ,my name is dave and i have to say that your picture stop in my track .it those cute blue eyes to tell you .i would like to talk some time just give me a shout back if you want to. time to move on talk to you again some time later ,"

"hey girl what's up ,me just gitting home from work gitting ready to go for a ran before dark.. and you. dave"

  

"hey what's up .not much here just relaxing for the night ,what a nice day it was .i can't wait for better weather ,so how was your day ? my was very funny .i work with a bunch of clowns and they like the warmer weather it make them funny all day long .would you like to talk sometime ? if so just send me a email and we go from their . i have to go i'll be back in 2 hours or less talk to you later .dave"

"hey you!! whats up .. just got home from work gong to go for a run. .. you been busy probabley. i will be back in a few hours and want to talk too you ... it will be fun an nice. i will email again to  you when i git back from my run.  later babe, dave"

   -Shortly after receiving this email I used the heartbreaking "no thanks" button reply to him.  I sure do hope Dave is okay and gitting along well. 
 
"2 Germans and a cat, tell me you got the Dyson Animal to cope with your vacuuming! Those things ROCK!! "
   -this guy obviously was more concerned about the state of my floors than if I was interested in him. 


I am really seriously thinking about writing a book regarding my time on this dating website. It's so funny and sad and funny at the same time.  So far my profile has been viewed 1033 times in just over 2 weeks ... yikes!  I don't like people staring at me .....  


Happy St. Patty's Day ..... enjoy your corned beef and crap cabbage!  


Jules

THE ADS ARE GONE!!!!

Dear Readers,

As you may have noticed, the ads are no longer showing on the blog.  Apparently I was not supposed to ask you to click on the ads.... I guess I should have read all the fine print before I signed up for the Ad(non)sense feature for the blog.  So, as sad as it is to read this....  all of your hard work was for absolutely nothing.  The $80+ I had banked has been taken away by Google.   

I am currently accepting ideas for other obscure ways to make money.... please leave me your brilliant ideas in the comment section ... and no, turning tricks in the park is not an option. 

Maybe I will look into other blog sites and see If I can transfer this over ..... I am sure they would appreciate all your hard work.... 

Stay tuned....

Oh, Happy Super Tuesday ....  

Jules 

ATTENTION FORMER RUSH LIMBAUGH ADVERTISERS

I have a few available advertising spots left on my blog if any one is interested, and my readers love to click.

So much has happened since I last posted a few days ago....
Let's start off with matters of the heart:
I went to the Cardiologist and learned a lot. First off, I have something that is very common called Paroxysmal Supraventricular Tachycardia.  There are many factors as to why people have this; high stress levels, overindulgence in chocolate or caffeine based drinks, smoking, drinking alcohol in excess and insomnia....ding ding ding ding.... now all of you who know me know that sleep is something that doesn't come easy.  So I need to figure out how to sleep, even though I've been trying to figure that out for years.  BUT, I do have to go for an echo cardiogram tomorrow.  The palpitations I get are longer in length than "usual". So they will figure out what part of my heart's electrical system is malfunctioning and then go from there.  The cardiologist told me to go on line and read up on the common occurrence of PSVT in younger people (and yes, I am still considered younger....42 is the new 28?).  So I did some reading and am okay with this ... except....

One website told me what to do to stop the palpitations....
      "Episodes of paroxysmal supraventricular tachycardia often can be stopped by one of
       several maneuvers that stimulate the vagus nerve and thus decrease the heart rate.
       These maneuvers are usually conducted or supervised by a doctor, but people who repeatedly 
       experience the arrhythmia often learn to do the maneuvers themselves. Maneuvers include
       straining as if having a difficult bowel movement, rubbing the neck just below the angle of
       the jaw (which stimulates a sensitive area on the carotid artery called the carotid sinus), and
       plunging the face into a bowl of ice-cold water. These maneuvers are most effective when they
       are used shortly after the arrhythmia starts."  

Ummm, I think I'll rub my neck .....  didn't Elvis die from bearing down on the throne?
I won't know the details of my echo until later this week... i will let you know what happens. I hope the doctor doesn't make me practice the "maneuvers" in his office. 

I need to make a confession.... My name is Julie and I am a talk radio news junkie.  I can't stop listening. Okay, now I feel better and am on the road to recovery.  Shouldn't there be free coffee and doughnuts now?

I don't even want to get on the state of politics today. We are on the eve of Super Tuesday and will wait to see what our voters have to say via their votes.

I will say this though, even though Rush said some inexcusable things in the past few days and lost 7 major advertisers, I still will tune in to see what else this guy has to say.  Let me put it this way, you never see  people standing around waiting for a train to pass, but when that train crashes people will flock to see the horror.  Rush crashed his train, his ratings are going to soar ... maybe this was planned to get his words out to more people.  Even though I don't agree with 99.99999999% of what he says .... If this was a deliberate act to increase the number of listeners he has....then I think he may be borderline brilliant. 

Faithful readers, I did mention that I have a gift for you..... are you ready?  As you all know, I am a 42 year old woman who has never been married... and I don't plan on changing my marital status any time soon..... but for our comedic pleasure, I have joined an on-line dating site.  OM-fbomb-G!  I had a coupon, so that made it easier to pull the trigger.  I have only been on this site for 6 days and the vultures have found me and are circling hardcore.  I am going to make a compilation of my favorite emails I have received so far and share them with you.  Also, I am in the midst of creating a handbook for single men to follow when creating their on line dating profile.  I will share my do's & don'ts list with you as well.  Of course I will not be slanderous and show pictures or use names, but I will be as detailed as possible so you may enjoy this as much as I am.  May I just say that on day 4 of being on the website, I had to actually take 2 days off and shut off my phone to escape the insanity. 

Now, for all of you keeping track .... my ad revenue is up to $68.  Sweet mother of pearl!
Here are my up to date blog stats .... 
In 5 weeks, with 11 posts, I have had more than 750 views. 
Still generating views in Germany and Russia.
I only have 5 followers (insert frowny face emoticon here)
I would like more comments ......
I think I have the greatest readers in the world!!!

I want to respond to a comment that was posted that called me "dumb"....
Dear Anonymous commenter,
Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment!  Keep clicking on my blog to read more nonsense!
xoxo,
Jules

We had some crazy winds here in New York over the weekend, but nothing compared to what happened to parts of our country. I am happy to report that all of my southern family has checked in and is safe.  How scary ..... Maybe those Mayan's were right .... I have a lot to do before 12/21/12.  Better get to it! (which will not include Christmas shopping, of course). 

Jules!

LET'S BE BLUNT ON BLUNT...

3 votes .... three .... 3 votes almost let discrimination run amok on women today.  How can anyone think in their right mind that it should be okay for employers to pick and choose what preventative medical services their employees will be covered for.  For example, the vague language which made up the Blunt Amendment basically said that  "an employer could refuse to cover things like HIV/AIDS screenings, prenatal care for single mothers, mammograms, vaccinations for children and even screenings for diabetes based on objections to a perceived immoral lifestyle".  Any religious or secular employer, based on their personal morals, ethics or religious beliefs, could deny coverage of medical services; no questions asked.  This bill was not just about contraception .... it was about discriminating against women....period. I recently read that about 92% of practicing catholic women said that they HAVE used some sort of birth control.  So this isn't a religious fight, or an equality fight, it's a control issue. Is it really any business of an employer to know an employee's medical status. Doesn't that go against this whole HIPPA thing? Why aren't we trying to ban condoms too? Should we also pass a law saying that tubal ligation is a form of premeditated murder?   As someone who was prescribed birth control pills as a medical necessity, I am appalled that I possibly could be denied a medication that I need to be healthy.  My gosh, what if you worked for someone who was into alternative medicine or considered a non-interventionist  (someone who doesn't believe in medicine) and you needed to see your doctor .... you would be screwed!  It is incredulous that we are wasting time on social issues that have no bearing on the state of our nation today.  I don't know if the Republican party realizes it or not, but their recent war against women  is costing them the votes they desperately need to try win the Presidency.  To read more on this go to http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rep-kirsten-gillibrand/standing-strong-against-t_b_1313090.html . Make sure you sign the One Million Strong petition .... this group is going to fight the fight and make sure your female loved ones are not discriminated against and are given the opportunities they need to succeed. Sign it for yourself, your daughter, your sister, your mother, etc....  I am so glad I live in NY and have Sen. Gillibrand, Sen. Schumer and Congresswoman Slaughter acting on my behalf and being my voice in government. 
And by the way..... Happy Women's History Month!!

Now, let's do a fun game of Hey Oooooo and Oh Noooooo.....

Recent Hey Ooooooo's:
- Sandra Fluke ... way to stay calm.
- Maryland ... passed gay marriage bill!
- Wegmans .... finally stocked the tofu I love at the store near me.
- Joel Dittman (aka J-Ditty) .... my new beer mentor, thanks for letting me brew with you.
- Mitt Romney .... thank you for finally recognizing the appropriate tree heights in Michigan.

And the Oh Nooooo's:
- Sheriff Arpaio of Arizona ... for putting fighting crime on hold in his jurisdiction to try to solve a fabricated cold case.... he has concluded that he cannot confirm that President Obama's birth certificate ISN'T a fraud.
- U.S. District Judge Cebull .... who sent an email to his buddies joking that Obama's mom may have been "involved" with a dog.....in the wrong, illegal way.....yuck.
- Rush Limbaugh ....  for having a mouth.
- New Hampshire.... for starting legislation to reverse their gay marriage bill.

Just to update everyone .... I see the cardiologist tomorrow morning.  At that time I will know why the phrase "Be still my beating heart" applies to me.  I am going to meditate with this mantra tomorrow morning.... Heart palpitations are for sissies ......heart palpitations are for sissies.   That should fix it.  I swear though, if the doctor uses the word pace maker with me, there will be fisticuffs. 

Readers .... I have a gift for you .... but you will have to wait to hear what it is when I compile my next blog posting .... I will not make you wait long .... I promise .... cross my irregularly beating heart. 

I am sure some of you may need a carpal tunnel brace soon ..... your ad clicking has now incurred just over $40!!!  In dog food currency, that's almost 20 cans.  Your loyalty is and enthusiasm is duly noted!! 

Oh, and a big shout out to my faithful reader in Germany!  Sie Rocken! bitte hinterlassen Sie mir eine Notiz in den Kommentaren ..... wie haben Sie mein Blog?  I obviously used Google translator for that. The only German I know are swear words that my Grandfather would constantly use when addressing myself and his other grandchildren.  I thought kleine Scheisser meant "little sweetie" for a long time.  Way off.....


Thank you for listening to my rant (again).....  I love comments, please leave some comments.... and follow the blog. Don't be afraid, to follow me is to actually be a leader .... uh huh .... think about it ..... 


Nighty nites !!!! 
Jules

IT'S BEEN ONE OF THOSE DAYS....

My day started with the unmistakable sound of one of my dogs dry heaving downstairs.  It's my fault...I let Gracie get too husky after her ACL surgery and now she is on a diet.  She has an anxiety issue as it is, so when she hears her stomach growling for food in the morning, she gets all worked up like she is starving.  If she could just read one of the digital clocks on the appliances in the kitchen, she would know that breakfast will be served shortly.  This is not the first time this has happened.  So I get up and feed all the fur babies and decide it's a good morning for oatmeal.  I made a nice organic oatmeal and added a handful of raisins to remind me to chew my food.  One of the raisins was the consistency of a rock and I chipped one of my rear teeth (i'm not a dentist, so I don't know it's official tooth name, it's like #5 back there). I chipped a tooth on a raisin, wtf. It's now 9am, I'm defeated and ready to go back to bed.  

Today I called my doctor's office for the 3rd time to see what the results of my heart ECG machine were.  Yes, you did read that right, I've called 3 times.  Today I made the poor office receptionist listen to my life story to make sure she realized how ridiculous it was that I haven't heard from any body. Well, it worked. Shortly after I talked the receptionist's ear off, a nurse called me back and told me I must make an appointment with the cardiologist because there were frequent heart palpitations that showed up on my monitor. It's been 2 weeks since I turned the ECG unit back in to the cardiologist's office....and no one thought it was important to call me and let me know my heart isn't beating properly.  It's now about 11am, I am livid and ready to pick a fight.

I had a fruit fly land on my eyeball today as well. I saw it circling my face for a split second, then whammy! it was in my eye.  How gross...I had to fish it out of my eye to kill it.  It's February 27th, why the hell do I have fruit flies? There is no rotten fruit or garbage sitting in my house.  I think I have to blame the weather and my plants on this one.  I've had a few fruit flies here and there before...but not Kamikazee fruit flies that are intentionally trying to hurt me.  That sucked the fight out of me and now I'm nothing but disgusted.

I decided that I would try to go and get a nice relaxing massage tomorrow...I have a couple of those awesome Groupon's for massages that I bought a while ago.  I figure I might as well try to relax and melt away my day, stress can't be good for someone with such a fragile heart (ha! I wonder how long I can play that card for?).  So I call the first massage place and I get a recording that goes something like this (read in a very calm, breathy voice out loud)..."thank you for calling the so-n-so massage center, currently no one is available to take your call. Please call back during our work hours which are Monday 10-2:30, Tuesday 8-noon & 3-5, Wednesday 10-4, Thursday 10-2:30 and Friday 8-1. You can schedule a massage Monday through Thursday until 5pm, half day Friday and Saturday.  We look forward to hearing from you again."  I almost threw my phone out the kitchen window.  It was too much information and I wasn't prepared. So I had to get a pen & paper and call the number again.  Now my stress level is through the roof trying to keep up with this very relaxed woman cramming 3 minutes of information into a 50 second voice mail.  I finally just hung up.. who would have thought trying to schedule a comforting massage could be so damn frustrating.  So I called the other massage place, prepared with pen in hand, to see if they could be less stressful.  I got another voice mail that belonged to a woman named Theresa who instructed me to leave a message and she would get back to me within 48 hours.  48 hours? Does she only have access to a payphone down the street or something? Is she dangerously close to running out of minutes on her cell phone and has to wait for the next billing cycle to get more time?  Now my head is pounding and I'm back to being pissed off at my doctor....it's now about 3pm.  I should have gone back to bed after my dental incident this morning.

I am very proud to announce that I got my first semi contradictory comment on a blog posting. It was in response to my posting titled "I'm gonna burst" on the religiously charged politics that are going on in Virginia.  I, on one hand, am happy that I am stirring the pot on certain topics and allowing my readers to speak their mind. On the other hand I was a little taken aback on naivety on the comments made by this person. For example, she (and I'm assuming it was a she) thought that the intravaginal ultrasound possibly being forced on women before an abortion was " no more evasive than it was to create this life to begin with".  I think, when you are a victim of rape or incest, this is would be a horribly, evasive procedure. Having a strange doctor stick a wand like instrument inside of you that is not medically necessary, could be labeled as a form of rape.    BUT I am not here to argue with someone's comments or beliefs...I am someone who can agree to disagree...but before you preach your thoughts, make sure you think them through thoroughly.  I would think that most educated women who have had to terminate a pregnancy, agonized over coming to that decision...fully aware of the embryo or fetus that was inside of them.  As I said, I am not here to criticize any one who wishes to leave a comment. I just think that our world would be in more of a compassionate state if people thought with more of an open mind when it comes to social issues. Diversity is what our country is built upon. Bias and prejudice is what is keeping us from evolving and tearing us apart as a nation.  Love thy neighbor...no matter who or what they are.

Wow...I was really all over the place on that....sorry.  I think I need to lighten up...maybe a massage would help...maybe not. I think I will just go upstairs with a glass of wine, a "massage pill" (aka muscle relaxer) and a good book.  

Oh wait, before I go....I am up to $32 on ad revenue.  Holy crap...look what you've done!!!  I was thinking about investing the money as well...any one have any good stock tips?   Keep up the good work my faithful followers...one day this fortune will spilleth over to your cup. 

G'Night!
Jules


 

I'M GONNA BURST.....

Virginia is for lovers losers....
What the hell is going on in Virginia?  Are the lawmakers there trying to go back, socially, to when the state was first ratified?  First they pass a bill that allows private adoption agencies to deny adoption to anyone who isn't heterosexual. Then they try to pass a bill that forces women to have invasive ultrasounds before an abortion is performed. When I mean invasive, I mean an instrument is put inside a women to take the ultrasound, rather than the usual scan through a 'gelled up belly' method.  Okay, let me get my thoughts straight and rational before I start my rant......

As far as allowing agencies to deny any one who is homosexual the right to adopt is ludicrous.  Is it really better for a child to grow up in an institution or in a number of foster homes, rather than a home that has two same sex parents that will love this child unconditionally?  I have never heard any scientific studies indicating that children who are raised by same sex parents are any different than kids who are raised in a traditional family atmosphere. The only difference, I can see, is that the kids who are raised by same sex parents are more tolerant and open minded when it comes to diversity.  Wow....isn't that a trait all children should have? I grew up in a pretty liberal family, so I can't get my head around decisions like this. Growing up, I only knew one gay person, my Uncle Charles. I truly believe that without knowing him, I wouldn't be the person I am today. He taught me to receptive to nontraditional ideas, ways and lifestyles.  He taught me how to laugh at myself, be forgiving of people and to care for those I love...no matter what.  He was an advocate for people to be themselves, follow their dreams, and be who they were meant to be...no matter what other people thought. We talked about people who weren't tolerant of diversity or change and that we also had to accept their intolerance as a part of who they were. Because of him, I see the world differently. Because of him, I am more accepting. Because of him, I....am....me.  So, I don't think a religious zealot, sitting behind a desk, should not have the right to deny a nontraditional couple the right to have a child because it goes against their beliefs.  You know what goes against my "beliefs"? The ongoing, excessive abuse of children by the men who proclaim that they are the voice of "God" ...the same clergy who preach about the sins of homosexuality. Maybe instead of denying children the right to have a loving family, these people should focus more on sheltering children from the sexual predators that are running their churches. 

Next....

I don't even know where to start on the preabortion ultrasound issue. So let me get this straight.... a Virginian women ends up pregnant and has made the decision to abort, which is her constitutional right. But, in an effort to make the woman change her mind on terminating the pregnancy, Virginia lawmakers (mostly Republican men) want to force women to have an invasive, intravaginal ultrasound so they see what they are killing. What?  Even in the case of a pregnancy that is the result of a rape or incest. Ugh .... what?
Okay, so now the Governor of VA has amended this bill; it still requires a preabortion ultrasound, but now the woman can choose between a traditional outer body ultrasound, or have the "cold, long wand" intravaginal ultrasound.  How is that a compromise? It is not necessary to have an ultrasound if you are terminating a pregnancy. Sometimes one has to be done, but only if it's medically necessary.  Not morally necessary.... and these are the morals of the people who are not making the difficult decision of having an abortion. Oh, may I add since it is not medically necessary, most insurance companies won't cover this unneeded procedure. So, not only will women be humiliated, they will have to pay for their humiliation out of pocket.  Senator Janet Howell  wanted to show how ridiculous this bill is by adding an amendment that would have required men to receive digital rectal exams and cardiac stress tests before they would be able to be prescribed meds such as Viagra and Cialis. Seems fair? Of course, it was shut down immediately....apparently male Virginian lawmakers are not fans of "hands in" rectal exams. Party poopers....
Also, a bill in Virginia has been passed through the House that grants all stages of unborn children the same rights as actual people.  This "Personhood" bill, grants rights to a fertilized egg.  Apparently, the state of Virginia wants to negate their female citizens of their rights, and give them to fetuses that cannot live without the a female body to inhabit (remember the movie Aliens?).  So, would that make abortion murder?  And doctors would be murderers?  See how ass backwards this is? Hopefully this bill gets shut down in the Senate. Why don't we let the unborn fetuses vote on it...
What's next? Will women have to take a written competence test before they exercise their right to vote? 

Since when did women's rights become the forefront of our politics?  Shouldn't we be focusing  more on economic issues? I'm sure there are people in Virginia who are unemployed, starving and/or homeless that the Senators should be showing more interest in.  At first I thought the presidential debates were funny, now they are nothing but disturbing.  The candidates are focusing on everything they should not be focusing on....each other.  And they are bringing attention to irrelevant issues through their mud slinging.

To my Syrian relatives who live across the pond....stop the violence.  The U.N. has now accused Syrian official's of crimes against humanity.  Yikes.  To my fellow Americans....stop going to Syria...you're gonna die.  Common sense people....common sense. 

I think I need to go run with puppies, butterflies and magical unicorns in the park to get this unbelievable nonsense out of my head. 

Guess what faithful readers!?!?  I have reached the $20 mark on ad revenue!  I feel as if I should be paying you!!  How about when I reach the $50 mark, I will all send you $1?  I will let you know when I hit that mark and you all can email me your mailing addresses.  To those who are clicking on my ads...thank you!! To those who are not.....why?

I have to go to Wegmans tonight....so you know something will happen to me.  Stay tuned!!!!! 

Jules

MY RESET BUTTON...

Just some random thoughts to get out of my head so I can stop obsessing and get on with my day...

- I keep getting texts from friends after midnight that were sent to me in error...or were they?
- I think there is a night gnome that sneaks into my house and wire brushes my lips while I sleep. I wake up with pointy shards of skin on my mouth every morning. I apply lip balm before I go to bed, but it never seems to help. Would those be epidermal stalactites or stalagmites? 
- I hate gnomes, lawn jockeys, garden fairies....anything small that just stands there and stares. I guess children would fall under that category as well.
- What is the point of a miniature pony?
- I wonder what my cat's BTU rating is...she's warm to the touch.
- My Christmas cactus is obviously agnostic....it blooms all year round at random, non secular times.
- Why are mattresses always on sale for President's Day? I must have skipped school the day we learned about the importance of proper bedding and our forefathers.
-  Is 'forefathers' supposed to be capitalized?
- Is it okay to eat dip when you run out of crackers or bread? It just doesn't seem right to me to eat a spoon full of dip by itself.
- To my pets, every one has a name but me. They know each other by name, they know all my friends, family  and neighbors by name....but I am nameless.  You could say my name and they would just tilt their heads and stare at you. I wonder if they have a noise for me instead?
- Is Saturday Night Live trying to have horrible musical guests? If so, BRAVO!

Ok, good....now I have a clean slate.

Jules

(click, click, click away!!!)

MOOOOOOOOLAH!

Thank you readers! After one full day of ad clicking, I have now banked $9.05 worth of revenue!  Wow-weeee!  That's 4 cans of dog food!  Let's see how much money the good people of Google are willing to pay me through your dedicated clicks!!!  I need one of those money boards like telethons have to show the dollars accruing from all of your hard work.  I wonder if Jerry Lewis has a few extra tally boards laying around....I will keep you posted!

So, in addition to being able to track how much money I am getting from my Google Ads, I can also trace the location of the people reading my blog. Not detailed locations like "checked from bathroom stall located at 123 Main Street", but I can see which countries I am acquiring readers from.  I am happy to report that I have a few faithful readers in Russia, Germany and Canada (thanks Eric!!).  How these people found my blog is beyond me, but I am proud to announce that I am now international, better yet intercontinental.....now I must strive for intergalactic!

I saw in the local news today that two area county SPCA's were raided by the New York State Police for animal cruelty.  So, let me get this straight....the organization called the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals has been raided for animal cruelty.....Irony at it's finest. 

Does anyone know if they make Breathe Right strips for cats? I am having a nightly issue with a snoring cat that sounds like someone playing an extremely out of tune violin.  Any suggestions (that don't require drowning, duct taping or needle nose pliers) on how to remedy this situation are greatly appreciated.

No news from the doctor yet regarding my pumper....I am sure whomever had to read my minute by minute diary of everything I did while wearing the heart holter was very amused....or very disturbed.  I had entries like, "yelled at dog for 20th time to leave the cat alone", "vacuumed up never ending piles of dog hair...again", "went upstairs 3x because I kept forgetting what I was going up there for".   I did start taking my Vitamin D as instructed....I may have found the perfect vitamin vessel so I don't have to swallow pills.  I am eating a caramel cube, that has enough Vitamin D, Vitamin K and Calcium as I was prescribed.  So basically my doctor has told me to eat caramel twice a day....nice.  It goes well with my daily gummy bear and sour patch vitamins. Now if only someone would make pizza extra nutritious.

Today while at Wegmans I was shocked at what a store employee said to me.  I was standing waiting to get a couple scratch off tickets from the lotto vending machine when an elderly, handicapped man came and stood by me.  It was obvious that he was having a hard time walking (since one of his legs was about 6" shorter than the other and it was facing in the wrong direction).  He said he was on his way to get a handicapped cart, but wanted to get some scratch offs first (senior priorities!). I politely let him go ahead of me because I thought he was going to fall over.....and I sure as hell wasn't going to pick his ass up off the floor. Well, two of the lotto machines became available at the same time; he went to one and I went to the other.  So, I get my $5 worth of tickets and this male worker came right up to me and said "I really hope you get some winning tickets, a pretty girl like you deserves to win." What the hell?  I looked at him, then looked at the poor guy next to me who has one foot in the grave already. I was mortified for him, then I thought .... you're right mister.  At least I'll have time to spend my millions.

  (DON'T WORRY PEOPLE, I AM ALREADY GOING TO HELL)

It usually takes me a whole day to compose a blog posting, mainly because I have nothing to say. So I have actually started carrying a notepad with me where ever I go.... this is for several reasons....

1 -  I have the mental retention of a 2 year old staring at a shiny coin.
2 -  I sometimes just need to write things down to get them out of my head.
3 -  To look important.
4 -  I like to look at someone, then write something down just to see what their reaction is. 
5 -  I have nothing better to do.
6 -  I like to buy new notebooks.

I would like to give a big thumbs up to the New Jersey Assembly for passing the Gay Marriage Bill.  I would like to give a big, fat middle finger up to New Jersey Governor Chris Christie who has promised to veto the bill.  For this foolish man, as Marilyn Manson so beautifully sang, "I wasn't born with enough middle fingers". The only things this man should be vetoing are his chins (#3-#8) and all the extra portions of food he devours.  I wonder how much money it is costing the New Jersey taxpayers to feed their Governor ... seriously. 

Excitement in my neighborhood....Rudy Lepore, a lawyer who lives around the corner from me has been sentenced to 5 years of probation and 200 hours of community service in his connection to helping 2 inmates escape from jail last year.  Yes, you read that right...a lawyer aided in the jail break. He has plead guilty to bringing in a cell phone (and it's charger) and giving it to one of the inmates.....which is a big no no.  Way to go Rudy Lepore, way to make people distrust lawyers even more.... moron.

Well, my I.T. guy (Uncle Timmy) has steered me into using Twitter as another element to getting my nonsense out to the general public.  So, soon I will be twittering (I am not ready to use the word Tweeting) and you can have small Julie blurbs 24/7.  LUCKY YOU!!!   


I'd like to welcome my favorite uncle Eric (New Yorker turned Mexican Canadian "mexi-dian") as a new follower of mine.  He is also one  of the hippest, most attractive people that I know.  Don't you want to be like Eric?  If so, follow me!!! All the cool kids are.....

Ok, I have to go see if I won on my scratch offs.....   

J!

BLOODY CRAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

Happy Tuesday all.....the worst day of the year to be single. Yet tomorrow, post Valentine's Day is the best day to be single....why you ask?  Simple, it's the day that many, many girlfriends and wives will be terribly disappointed in the crappy gifts they got the day before. Plus, all the chocolate is on sale!!  Woohoo! I unfortunately saw someone yesterday that I didn't want to see....and it has put a funk in my Valentine spirit. You always think you are strong until you come face to face with your emotional kryptonite.  Oh well, it's his loss....

I have some exciting news!!! I think I have made one dollar and seventy-two cents (yes $1.72) from the ads posted on the web. I looked into it more closely, and figured out that only one person has clicked on an ad.  Ummm....do better my faithful readers!!! If every reader would just click on one ad each time they visit my blog, I could make some serious change. And by change, I mean coinage....and by coinage, I mean hardly anything.  I truly think that if I have the incentive of making money from this blog, I would take the time to write more.  I am also thinking about taking the blog on the road to local wi-fi hot spots.  I find in the winter, being a recluse, there are no stupid questions being asked of me, and that makes me wonder who all the stupid people are talking to.

So I had a physical by my doctor last Thursday.  This is the first physical I've had since I worked at Kodak,  about twenty years ago. 

This is what I learned:
-My doctor has no idea who I am.
-I get lightheaded when asked to take deep breaths more than 8 times in a row.
-I am Vitamin D deficient.
-I always race to get undressed and into the gown, just to sit there for 10 minutes...waiting. 
-The woman who works in the blood lab is a Jesus freak...even had Jesus themed Valentine decorations up in her office.  I almost stole one of them to add to my Jesus shrine on my refrigerator.
-My ticker isn't ticking right....of course it isn't, it's me.

I am immediately sent from the doctor's office to the cardiologist to be hooked up to a heart holter (portable ECG unit) for 24 hours.  What fun!  So I get sent home with wires hanging off of 5 electrode patches that are stuck to me and plugged into the unit.  The wires have been taped down all over my stomach and are getting all caught up on my shirt. I am to keep a running diary of every thing I do for the next 24 hours so they can see what is causing my heart palpitations/flutters.  In the middle of the night, I wake up and find that 2 of the 5 patches are no longer stuck to me.  What a bust! I call the cardiologist the next morning and they tell me to come back in on Monday to get hooked up again for another 24 hours.  I am instructed to take off the electrodes and disconnect the unit....off course the tape they used on me has melded to my skin like super glue. I can't rip it off to save my life. I soak my taped skin in baby oil and it still won't budge. I finally get a small corner of one of the strips lifted by saturating my body in Goo Gone (clean orange scent!).  As I rip each patch off of me, I notice that my skin is coming off with the tape. This is reminiscent of the time I had a bandaid on my forehead and when I ripped it off, it left a skinless impression of the bandaid on my face.  Ouch!  So, I went back to the cardiologist yesterday and brought my own tape for them to use.  The nurse was shocked to see the red welts from the tape still on my body after 2 days. She had a good laugh over how I look like I've been branded. Ha...not funny lady.  Unfortunately she has to add some liquid glue to the electrodes to ensure their tackiness.  I am sure they will rip my skin off later when I remove the unit.
I don't know when I will get the results of my heart monitor reading....but I will let everyone know if I have a broken heart or what.

Now I would like to take a mili-moment of silence to honor a fallen sista....Whitney Houston.
Here is my favorite memory of her..... Diane Sawyer interview, mid nineties....Whitney Houston declares that "crack is whack".  Yo go girl.....oh wait...you gone girl. And Don Cornelius from the Sooooouuuuul Train decided he was done living.  I always preferred Soul Train over American Bandstand, they had better musical guests.  I never had to sit thru Abba lip syncing when watching Sooooouuuul Train.  I think I am a better person today because of that. 

Dear Republican voters,
What is going on?  Can you please give Ron Paul just one caucus victory? Doesn't it just seem fair? You have allowed everyone else a win.....why not RP?  He was only about 200 votes shy of Romney in the Maine caucus.  I mean you let nutsy Santorum win a few......why can't you just all play nice?
Sincerely,
I almost feel your awkward uneasiness....


Kudos to the people at the Susan G. Komen for getting their heads out of their asses and reversing their decision to stop funding Planned Parenthood. If they went forward with their original plans, it would have been like the Humane Society saying that they are dedicated to helping all the animals....except for cats.

Also, shame on Rick Santorum for his stance on birth control. He doesn't feel that any type of birth control should be covered by insurance. YET, he is okay with drugs like Cialis and Viagra being covered under prescription drug plans.  It just may be me, but I think if you can't pitch a tent, then you shouldn't go camping.  And the less "tents pitched" must somehow lower the number of unwanted pregnancies.  I'm just sayin'.

Oh, and speaking of Cialis....my spam mailbox was full today with great deals to help me with my erectile dysfunction on the most romantic of romantic days.  Thank goodness....I have been trying to figure out what to do with this annoying problem and now I have several options, some even with free shipping.  Also, Janet Jackson is trying to reach me via Linkedin.  I wonder what the hell she wants.

Ok, since I started this posting, some time has passed. I have now ripped the second round of NASA grade adhesive electrodes from my body.   I should have taken a picture after the removal...I looked like I was beaten....beaten bad.  I am glad that thing is unattached from my body, for now I can lube myself up in Goo Gone and shower for as long as it takes to get this sticky residue off of me.

You may ask yourself, "I wonder what Julie is doing on this most nauseous of holidays?". Simple, I am going to have a German girls spa night.  I have about 250lbs of German Shepherd that will be brushed, bathed, styled & dried, plus teeth will be cleaned and nails will be trimmed.  I will be eating left overs (stuffed chicken breasts and roasted vegetables), doing a paraffin wax hand treatment, lounging on the couch and hopefully watching something on Netflix that involves a serial killer or a vampire....the two things I long to be when I grow up.  Seems like a perfect evening to me! 

In honor of German spa night, here is a pic of me when I was a young tot with my first love, Heidi. I think I kept crawling away and my Dad had Heidi lay on my feet to keep me put. As long as that dog was by my side, I didn't have a care in the world, and I think she felt the same way too.

Thanks to all that have been dedicated to reading my blogs.... don't forget to "follow me" and click on the
ads so I can pretend like I have an actual job. Plus, keep the comments coming....

I hope there aren't too many disappointed girls out there who received thoughtless, last minute, already picked over Valentine crap from Rite Aid tonight. If so....Pssst... he doesn't really care that much....

Ciao!
Jules

PS: Hey.....go click on a freakin' advertisement!!!

OH GOODIE!!!

The advertisements are here!! The advertisements are here!!!  And I love how they are topical with what I write about.....did you notice the Swiffer coupons? For Tim, I will mention the Libman mop system in hopes for a discount on future replacement heads. Wow, I could have a lot of fun with this.  I guess if anyone is in need of a coupon, let me know what for and I will write about it and *KALABAZAM* there's your coupon.  Let's try something...... I love free money and a free new truck!  We'll see if the coupon gods are paying attention now.

Now, there has been some feedback on my anti-Republican rants. I am not against Republicans, there are just as many ridiculous Democrats out there, they are just not in the spotlight of the news today.  So, I am not Republican bashing....I am Idiot bashing.  See the difference?

Now on for some more good old fashioned Republican idiot bashing....  Newton has promised the good people of Florida that we will be living on the moon in 8 years. He he he he. And he would also like to get enough people up there to declare the moon an actual state.  Now, when I was a young tot, we were told that by the year 2000 we would be traveling around in small hover crafts like the Jetsons.  Rut Ro Astro!  Now, that idea was rather scary to me when I was 6, but I was kinda looking forward to having a robot maid and a digital diary. Needless to say, it's 2012 and I drive around in an 8 year old Chevy Blazer and the only person cleaning my house is me.  Now, without our space shuttle program, NASA is relying on a privately owned companies that are building space crafts to launch us back into space.  I wonder if Newt has any stock or "interests" in these companies? Hmmmmmmmmmmm.....  I feel that we have enough to take care of on our planet, why would we want to start inhabiting somewhere else?  Plus, can we just go there and live? No one really owns the moon....would we have to squat there for 7 years first?  I hate wasting time thinking about nonsense like this.

Let's move on to more nonsense.......

It was brought to my attention that I may be the reincarnation of an elderly, retired, Italian man. You see, when it snows...I must get every flake off of my driveway. I need to get it down to the black.  I will not stop until every inch of the driveway is bare. But it doesn't stop there....I also have to get the sidewalk cleared, and I must cut a path through my front yard for the mail lady so she doesn't walk through my snow covered gardens.  Then when I am through with my property, I must move on to the neighbor's driveway and sidewalk.  And I think I have to clear the neighbor's snow, so my driveway doesn't look so idiotically clean surrounded by their snowy messes.  One year my neighbor Bob granted me the Golden Shovel award...and ever since then I have taken the job of snow removal very seriously and even turned it into an art form. Well, at least that is what I need to tell myself so I don't feel so OCD about it. 


I just found out that my 25th (holy crap) high school reunion is this year. But I really don't care about it.  I went to the pre-party for my 20th reunion and it was ok.  But my reasoning is this; I didn't talk to most of these people a quarter of a century ago, why would I want to talk to them now?  I can say that I was more entertained by how people have aged, rather than by the people themselves.  The 20th reunion did bring me back in touch with a couple friends I was close with in school, and I am grateful for that. But it also highlighted my theory of "once an asshole, always an asshole".  And not "asshole" in the good way.....like me.  So, I will be teetering on the 25th reunion attendance fence for the next 6 months. I will let you know what I decide...

One last note...I would like to wish my favorite brother Mark a Happy Birthday! I was going through some pictures the other day and came across this one from when he and I were much younger. 




Apparently we had chili for lunch that day because we both look like we are ripping some serious ass crackers.

until next time.....

OH-BAMA!

It's the most wonderful time of the year....no not Christmas....but time for the annual Presidential State of the Union Address! Yippee!  I will admit, I do look forward to watching these no matter who the President in office is.  I get such a kick out of how the first televised hour is very award show-esque; watching the people come into the House of Representatives, seeing what they are wearing, who gets attention and who gets ignored.  But I most love when people refuse to clap or even boo during the speech. He he he. I must admit, I think the address itself would only take 20 minutes if they could make everyone hold their applause to the end, but what would be the fun of that?  I think Obama did a pretty good job. I couldn't focus in the beginning because our Vice President was fiddling around in his pocket, whipped out a hanky and started wiping his nose.. anyways......  I really think our President is a great speaker. I have to admit I got teary eyed a couple times throughout his speech (yes, I am a patriotic crybaby).  I don't remember ever getting misty during one of George W. Bush's SOTUs.  I believe I was more focused on trying to figure out what he was saying (evil doers, nu-Q-lar missiles,  psycho-bible, inyuandated). I think there should be a drinking game for all of Bush's speeches...every time he makes up a word, butchers a word's pronunciation or just plainly uses the wrong word you have to drink. Sometimes my best ideas are in hindsight.  Anyways..... Obama said a lot, but I think the best topic he hit on was the political power struggle between the two parties.  He said "Washington is broken" and that there is "corrosive influence of money in politics". When he said they should "ban insider trading by members in Congress" someone actually booed him. Not just a subtle boo, but a good old fashioned Jerry Springer audience boo.  But it's true...the rivalry between the Democrats and Republicans is out of hand.  Decisions that are made in the government are no longer about the people, but about the party.  Frustrating. Ok, back to the speech.....how come the handful of uniformed military in the front row would only clap for themselves? I'm being serious...are they not allowed to show their political affiliation in public? I just found that odd.  Near the end of the speech, Obama briefly spoke about the nuclear threat in Iran and how he would take any measure to ensure that they cannot build a bomb. But he emphasized that he would pursue a peaceful resolution first.  This is totally different than what our G.O.P. candidates are saying they would do, except for Ron Paul who just wants peace, love and understanding.   We just got out of one war, why would we thrust ourselves into another?  All in all it was another inspirational speech by our President. I think he spoke in terms that all could understand, he didn't toot his own horn too much and he didn't overly point the finger of blame on everyone else.  I give him an A- overall.

Ok, enough serious political crap, let's move on to the fun stuff!!!

Rick Santorum....first off, if anyone is in need of rounding out their wardrobe with a sweater vest, here is a link you cannot ignore https://www.ricksantorum.com/civicrm/contribute/transact?reset=1&id=38 . Act now, cuz when he's gone, they're gone.   I never understood the whole concept around the sweater vest...it's like having fingerless gloves...what's the point?
Back to Ricky....boy, every time this guy opens his mouth, mine falls open to the floor.  In an interview last week, he confirmed that he believes that no pregnancy, even in the case of rape, shall ever be aborted.  He said in the instance of rape the woman, and I quote, should "make the best out of a bad situation".  Wha wha what? He went on to say that she should "accept this horribly created" baby, because it was still a gift from God, even if given in a "broken" way.  Ummm....errrrrr...did he just say that being impregnated during a rape is a gift from God?  (insert loud swallowing noise here).  Wow, people are donating money to the political campaign of this crazy, fanatical, right wing Christian.  But wait, it almost gets worse ...back in 1996, his wife delivered (early due to a second trimester abortion to save HER life) a baby boy who died shortly after child birth. The Santorum's brought the dead baby home so their other children could play with him for a short time and returned the body to the hospital the next morning. I am in no way mocking the fact that they lost a child, that is horrible. But they brought the baby home and let their kids play with it.....well .... that's ..... wow .... very disturbing. Is that even legal?

Now without any segway, I would like to talk about my disgust towards my Swiffer.  I have actually paid money for a product that just pushes the dirt around on my floor, from one end of the room to the other.  Yes, the cloths pick up some dirt, but it mainly just smears and grinds the dirt in if you ask me. In order for the Swiffer to do it's job, you would have to change that cloth every 20 seconds. Think about it, would you use a dirty paper towel to wipe down your counter top over and over again? Eeeewwwww.  The only thing my Swiffer is good for is to leave the impression of having a clean floor. I admit, sometimes if I know someone is coming over, I will Swiffer the floor just so the smell of a freshly Swiffered floor is in the air.  It's like Febreeze. You aren't actually cleaning anything, you are just making it smell like you have.  So, I will put my Swiffer in the faux cleaning category, alongside the feather duster, the pledge spray and the self cleaning button on my oven.

The ads will be up and running soon, according to the good people at Google. So remember to click away on them. I want you to click so much that your carpel tunnel kicks in and you are blinded by pain. No pain, no gain!

Oh, and I would like to thank my 3 followers so far. Truthfully, they are three of the coolest, smartest, most attractive people I know.....don't you wanna be cool, smart & hot too? If so, follow my blog!!!!!  

J

Documentaries are ruining my life.....

First up, I would like to welcome severe climate change to upstate New York!  We are nearing the end of January and we have had hardly any snowfall. Actually, today it's 45 degrees and raining.  So, let's all bake some cookies, grab a bottle of cheap, re-gifted wine, whip up your Aunt Louise's famous cheesy casserole and roll out the welcome wagon for our new neighbor, Global Warming! Yea!  I actually don't know THAT much about global warming...I've watched a couple documentaries, both pro and con that the idea actually exists. I was a little freaked out after I watched An Inconvenient Truth by Al Gore (you know him, George W. thinks he was the creator of the internets). I can see the changes in our climate and landscape, I trust the scientists that are producing data to explain what is happening to our planet....but I don't think I am very committed to help stop what is happening. Really, what else can I do?  I am a gardener by trade, I have an organic vegetable garden in the warm months, I walk places rather than drive when I can, I keep my thermostat at about 60 degrees during the winter. I have solar lighting outside, I have motion sensor halogen lights throughout my house, I use water from my dehumidifier to water my indoor plants. I recycle, I reuse, I support local organic farmers and am about 90% pesticide free in my home. Pretty good huh? No...... not according to many. Click on this link and see how many of these 50 actions you are currently performing  http://www.matessa.org/~mike/50ways.html . Can you really sell everything you own and replace it with newer, more eco-friendly items? NO? Me neither......I am too poor to help stop this change .... So, I don't actively think about how my actions are effecting our mother Earth...it's easier that way....Plus I am too busy scaring the crap out of myself by watching all the food documentaries out there.  Raise of hands of all of you who stopped eating chicken after watching Food, Inc......  Yeah, me too.  In the past two years, I have completely changed what I eat and how I prepare food.  I am sure most people boycotted McDonalds for a month or two after watching Super Size Me....but after you watch watch films like Food, Inc., King Corn, Food Matters, The Future of Food, you will never look at food the same again.  It's terrifying how our food is grown, processed and preserved. Food scares me. Not saying that I have stopped eating, but I can't enjoy a meal anymore. I don't find pleasure in going out to dinner either, because I have to agonize over a menu of food that I have no control over. No control of where it came from, what's in it or how it's handled before it's served to me. And I know that I, myself, am fully to blame for this, but I can't stop watching these documentaries.  I constantly warn people what will happen to them when they watch these films, but I can't seem to stop myself. My Netflix queue is full of these types of movies. I am obsessed with being obsessed with this. Maybe I need an intervention. Or at least a hobby at this point.

So, let's shift topics and talk about what happened in South Carolina over the weekend.  Newt? Really? I guess the good people of South Carolina deemed him as the lesser of the handful of crazies that are competing for the Commander in Chief position.  Really? This is a man who filed for divorce from his first wife a day after she had cancer surgery, left his second wife when she was diagnosed with MS (all while sleeping with a young White House aid) ....Then he married the adulterous aid.... I see a pattern forming and truly hope the current Mrs. Gingrich is in excellent health. Otherwise it will be Na na na na, na na na, hey hey hey .... goodbye! It's hard to believe that he could have compassion for the American people, whom he has no correlation with, when he ignores the "in sickness and health" vow in his first two marriages and leaves these two sickly women to fend for themselves. Plus, could I really respect a President who sports jowls and a wattle? Ugh....nope. I really never hear what he says because I am all caught up staring at that loose fleshy mass under his chin.  Could he tuck that extra skin in his collar to stop it from bouncing around when he speaks? I would appreciate it if he could just put it away....somewhere...anywhere.

Let's talk about the Jehovah's Witnesses who won't stop coming to my house every Sunday.  I made the mistake around Halloween to actually have a brief conversation with the ladies who came to my door. I made it clear right from the start that I was an atheist, but would listen to what they had to say.  With hearing the "A" word, these ladies lit up! They wondered if I had questions about the Bible because I obviously was uneducated in the field of religion and very confused. They mentioned that there may be some wickedness surrounding me and they could help me with that.  Through their interpretation of the Bible, which is not literal, they could help me find my way......even though I am pretty sure I am not lost. At one point the word Armageddon was thrown out and I was dumbfounded. So now these two sharply dressed women have gotten my attention. I tell them I have many questions, but they do not have time now to talk to me.  They need to spread the word of Jehovah to many others that day and would come back to sit down and answer all of my questions. All of them? Cool.  I'd better start making a list.  Well, over two months went by and no witnesses ever came back.  So, I lost interest in the ridiculousness of Armageddon and threw out my list of questions. Now, since the beginning of the year, these women have come every Sunday to rap on my door. I just ignore them, I don't even hide, so I know they see me in the house.....who cares.  But today, a lone man came to my house.With the backing of three German Shepherds, I answered the door. Through the crazy barking of the dogs, he managed to get some words out.... which brings me to the stupid question of the day...."Have I found Jesus?"  Ummmmm.....truthfully, I didn't know he was missing. But if I had found Jesus, don't you think I would have told someone?  What would I do with him? Called the local news station or maybe would have charged people $5 to walk through my house to see Jesus drinking coffee in my kitchen? I just looked at him and said "No, I haven't been looking for him". Before he could say anything else, I just shut the door on him. Hopefully this will stop them from coming to my house from now on. If not, I am going to make every one of their visits extremely uncomfortable. I almost hope they come back just one more time.

I found a very disturbing (aka very entertaining) website by accident today. All I have to say is that Jesus is your homeboy...I think I once had a t-shirt that said that. Anyway, share this link with all the children in your life and you too can be their homeboy....yo. http://www.landoverbaptist.net/PS3.htm

Today I received several emails regarding online dating sites. Not just any online dating sites, but ones that obviously are specific to me and my lifestyle.....
- Christian Singles
- Senior Singles
- Facebook Speed dating (what?)
I'm a 42 year old atheist that is not on Facebook....where do I sign up?


Thanks to everyone who commented either on this site or privately thru my email. Keep the stupid questions coming and don't forget to follow the blog!

Toodles,
Jules

Where to begin....where to begin.......

I guess I will begin by summing up the year 2011 with one word ..... Crapapalooza.
It started out with the breaking of a window in my truck and my purse being stolen, and ended with the breaking of my heart and my faith in trust & honesty being stolen.  Blah blah, boo hoo, waaaaaaaaaaaaa.....life goes on. I have hiked up my big girl pants, said goodbye to the past and am ready to go forth and conquer. I wonder if I will need a coat?

Now, on with this blog.....I am not really sure what I want to accomplish here, but I need an outlet for all the ridiculousness that goes on in my head.  For all of you who truly know me, you know that I am a magnet for strange people and awkward situations (or is it awkward people and strange situations?).   Here's a good example....One Mother's Day I was shopping at Wegmans, just a quick trip to get nothing in particular. As I was passing through the aisles, a woman stopped me (literally, stopped me by grabbing my arm), looked me in the eye and said "Happy Mother's Day....are you a mother?".   My immediate reaction was to laugh, knowing I was thinking of the other "mother" that I have been called numerous times.  I responded with an "ummm....no, are you a mother?"  Her face immediately went blank, tears started to well up in her eyes and she preceded to tell me how her 3 year old daughter had passed away, the relationship with her husband has been going down hill and she has no one to talk to.  Oh.......my........god.  Of all the people in the store, she chose me to have a breakdown with.  I, of course, was at a loss of what to say. I looked around to see if I could get a little help from one of the other shoppers, but they were in as much awe as I was with what was going on.  I think by the look on my face it was apparent that I had no idea who this lady was or what she was talking about.  I think the sobbing went on for only a couple minutes, but it felt like hours. I didn't say a word or even try to console this woman in any way.  I'm not sure how I got a word in, but I told this woman that it was nice talking to her and that I had to go.  I think I even threw a "try to enjoy the rest of your day" in there as I was rushing down the aisle to get away from her.  Ugh....to this day I still cringe when someone touches my arm when I am grocery shopping.  Situations like this happen to me almost every day....like I am the Idiot Whisperer.....and I need to share them with some one.....any one.

Can I just say that I am so thoroughly entertained with the Republican Presidential candidates? I have NEVER paid so much attention to Presidential debates in my whole life. I didn't think that the political arena could find anything more disturbing than Sarah Palin, but ~voila~ enter Michele Bachmann, Herman Cain, Thad McCotter, Buddy Roemer (huh?), The Newt, The Mitt, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, Jon Huntsman and bringing it up the rear, again, Ron Paul.   Wow.  When you put any combination of these people in a room there seems to be one enormous, spontaneous brain fart....and oh boy, I do enjoy a good group brain fart!   I do wonder what Herman Cain was thinking....., oh wait, he wasn't...he was on a book tour turned presidential campaign....what?  Michele Bachmann....thinks the Democrats are responsible for the swine flu and doesn't think carbon monoxide is a dangerous gas. Thad McCotter and Buddy Roemer...we can't possibly have a president with a either of these first names....wait, better add Mitt and Newt to that list as well. Rick Perry....stupid is as stupid does. Jon Huntsman...polled lower than someone who isn't even running in the race. Rick Santorum.....a huge homophobe with a disgusting last name. Google the name Santorum and read the definition ....now you can imagine the disgust I feel whenever I see him on tv. Insert dry heaving noise here.  And poor Ron Paul....whenever I see him I can only picture the little southern guy, Beverly, from Will and Grace (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0430074/).  So at this point I would like to make it official, If I was a Republican I would fully endorse and support ....wait for it......wait for it.... Stephen Colbert for President! His ads just make sense... http://youtu.be/Aix7tQMdJ3s. Who hasn't been duped by a handsome serial killer once or twice in their life???  It's up to you, and only you, to make sure that never happens again.....kinda like only YOU can prevent forest fires. I lived with that weight on my shoulders for most of my childhood. I agonized over how I could prevent ALL the forest fires since I wasn't allowed out of the yard most of the time. Stupid Smokie the Bear....I wonder how many kids have had to endure a lifetime of burden and guilt because of him. 
**Please note: Orange = Big Fat Quitter.

You may be wondering why I named this new blog what I did....well, I would like to be able to showcase and answer many of the stupid questions that I have been asked of me throughout the years. And believe me, there have been a lot. Let's start off with one that really bothers the crap out of me...."Do these pants make me look fat?"  Ummmm.....okay..... ...unless your pants are grossly padded for safety reasons, I am pretty sure it's NOT the PANTS that make you look fat (psssst...maybe it's your fat that makes the pants look bad..... just sayin').  One down....many, many more to go.  I hope I can help answer every one's stupid questions....feel free to send me your stupid questions (in the comments section or via email if you would prefer anonymity and unnecessary finger pointing & name calling) and I will be sure to answer it so you can feel a moment of shame fading to relief, then be able to get on with your life.

In the future you may see some advertising posted on this blog.  Here's the skinny....if I allow Google to post ads on this blog and you click on the ad, I earn revenue. Yes, that's right. I will be paid for your clicking actions. By clicking on these ads you may learn something very exciting (like how to make Corned Spam & Cabbage) or learn something very disturbing (like how to make Corned Spam & Cabbage). With this new found information you will be able to "wow" your friends with your vast knowledge and potentially save lives.....so, be a HERO, click on the ads, put some new wrinkles in your brain and put some shiny, well needed coinage in my pockets. Thank you and God Bless America!

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Well that's it for now....there is so much more to say though....so stay tuned!

Jules